I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
