As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
