My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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