if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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