have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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