There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he thought i was a dude.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
