Im at strip club and am horny
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Are we still banned from the library?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
