decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
