My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
