When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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