I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
