Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
