My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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