i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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