If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
