bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize