If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
