I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I faked an abortion last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
