and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
