im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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