you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
