I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
