I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
