Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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