she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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