I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I want to fling myself into the sun
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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