he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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