First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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