We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
