I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
