Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize