We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
