We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
