he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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