Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
