Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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