His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize