Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was like eating out sand paper
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
