would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
