I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
