you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize