my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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