By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
