your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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