So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
