peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
