I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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