Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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