If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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