I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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