What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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