im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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