Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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