thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
