So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All the doctor said was why
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
