Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sober January is a disaster.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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