My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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