i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
