turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
