How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
