laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
