I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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