you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
