It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
