I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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