I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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